The Misfortune Teller ("Who Lost Iraq?")

Who Lost Iraq?
Where did it go, and how to get it back?

"It wasn't me," said the President,
With his hard head stuck in its hard cement.
"I just start fires in the minds of men;
Pour gas on the flames every now and then.
I accomplished my mission when I robbed the store,
Then to cover up the crime I went and started a war.
In a few more years someone else will want the fun;
I'll give the mess to them; then I'll say that I won!
They'll lose Iraq
Who couldn’t see me handing them the sack.”

Who lost Iraq?
Where did it go and how to get it back?

“It wasn’t us,” cried the military brass.
“We just saluted Rumsfeld and kissed his senile ass.
We long ago swore not to think too hard or much;
Just do as we’re told and to use that as a crutch;
So when the hopes go wrong and the shit hits the fan,
We can always just say: ‘We took our orders from the man.’
With our medals and our pensions and our private jumbo jets
’It’s the only war we’ve got’ and that’s as good as it gets.
They lost Iraq:
The suits who tied our hands behind our back.”

Who lost Iraq?
Where did it go and how to get it back?

“It wasn’t me,” said the rapping Secretary
Talking too dense and sounding real scary.
“We know we don’t know what we don’t know we know
But we do know how to stage a little dog-and-pony show.
The Senators and Congressmen whose districts get the pork
Think the meat’s well done, so they stick in a fork.
The army’s not the one we want, but let me tell you what:
We have to go to war with it or see our funding cut.
They lost Iraq
Who wouldn’t cut me some semantic slack.”

Who lost Iraq?
Where did it go and how to get it back?

“Who the hell cares,” shrugs the televangelist
Preaching at his pulpit and pounding with his fist
“I tell folks: ‘vote Republican if you don’t want to die’
(Watching cable television; lapping up the lie).
I feed the rubes on fantasies of Armageddon Day,
When Jesus in his spaceship comes to take them all away.
I scare ‘em and they love it and they come back for more
To vote for someone else’s kid to fight in their war.
They lost Iraq
Who wouldn’t stop me selling Crusade crack.”

Who lost Iraq?
Where did it go and how to get it back?

“We had to hit someone,” said the jaded journalist
Thumbing through his Rolodex and making up a list
Of contacts in the government who leak the names of spies
Whose husbands tell the truth sometimes, instead of packaged lies.
"My name is Tom Friedman and ‘the world is flat;’
That shit about a globe you heard just isn't where it's at.
I cheered for Dubya's war just like the chicken hawk I am
And then when things went south I blamed a Lebanese imam.
They lost Iraq:
Who wouldn't buy my books from off the rack."

Who lost Iraq?
Where did it go and how to get it back?

“I've explained it all,” said the White House mouthpiece man
Mumbling in mantras with shameless élan.
"Our zigzag course takes us straight through the plots
If you just fit the curve to the scatter of dots.
In the sovereign state of the occupied town
We could "stand 'em all up" if they'd quit falling down.
But no matter what the carnage or the number who grieve
Just remember "Stay the Course" means we'll never leave."
They lost Iraq
Who hired as spokesman some tired FOX NEWS flack.

Who Lost Iraq?
Where did it go, and how to get it back?

"It wasn't us," cried the frightened Democrats,
As much an opposition as a dozen gnats.
"We voted for King George's war and never blushed.
With just a hint of nastiness, he left us hushed.
We bought into the syndrome of the sycophant
Who'd gladly ditch the donkey for the elephant.
But now that all our compromise has come to nought,
We're too ashamed to do the things we truly ought.
We love Iraq
And only wished to help Chalabi’s claque.”

Who Lost Iraq?
Where did it go, and how to get it back?

"Don't look at us," moaned the undecided block.
Reliable consumers of a total crock.
We love it when the government makes up those lies
And sells them to us like McDonald's greasy fries.
Just show us a commercial made by Thomas Hobbes
About our nasty, brutish lives with few good jobs.
Then scare us half to death with tales of married queers.
We'll swallow anything just like our lousy beers.
What is Iraq?
Is it a toothpaste that gets rid of plaque?"

Who Lost Iraq?
Where did it go, and how to get it back?

"It wasn't me," said Saddam Hussein,
Sitting in his court cage, shouting his refrain:
"I ran things better and we had a state;
Now we only have Maliki, an invertebrate
Who does the step-and-fetch-it as his daily toil
For Dubya and his crony friends who steal our oil.
But Mad Dog and his Englishman have come undone,
Parading 'round in circles in the noonday sun.
Bush lost Iraq
When he and Blair launched their unwise attack.”

Who Lost Iraq?
Where did it go, and how to get it back?

"Who the hell do you think?" said Ehud Olmert.
"You mean you didn't know Israelis just don't care?
A busted, broken Arab land fits in quite nice
With Zionist delusions of a Paradise
Where Arab refugees profess to love the Jews
And swear to every statement made by Karen Hughes.
The goyim in America will foot the bill
Providing all the weaponry we need to kill.
Forget Iraq;
And take your marching orders from AIPAC."

Who Lost Iraq?
Where did it go, and how to get it back?

“Who talks of loss at all?” ask the Mullahs in Iran.
As far as we’re concerned George Bush is just The Man.
He stumbles and he bumbles then he gives away
For nothing everything for which we’d gladly pay.
Dick Cheney writes the crap for him to catapult
Who never met a thought that he could not insult
The Shiites in Iraq will get our help, indeed,
To end the occupation that they do not need.
We won Iraq
Who let Bush do the work while we sat back.”

Who lost Iraq?
Where did it go and how to get it back?

"Who said you ever owned us?" cried the people of Iraq.
"Who asked you for your bloody war and unprovoked attack?
You seemed to think that killing us and wrecking all we had
Could win elections for George Bush and make him look less bad.
Our oil we'll sell to whom we please. Why don't you find your own?
And get yourselves a president at least a little grown.
In case you haven't noticed, he's the one that you should fear
Whose words smell like the noisome gas escaping from his rear.
Please leave Iraq
Then see if you can win your own souls back.”