One Nation Under Dog

He voted for Bush because Dog told him to
And in Dog's Book the barking is plain
All that growling and snarling and gnashing of teeth
Only means that for Dog truth is pain

Yet he couldn't decipher those paw prints he read
'Cause he'd thunk that them teachers wuz bad
So he dropped out of hillbilly homeschool at ten
And decided to study with dad

Revelations came easier once he had found
That the Church had for centuries lied
And those long-dead elite monks who started them schools
Had at last got their souls in Hell fried

Yes, the curse of the word written down in good sense
Only means that the rednecks will bite
And do that leg-lifting and turf-marking thing
That the Dog always does in his spite

See, the Dog has this thing about giving his pups
What he then tries to take back once more
Having renamed his "gift" as a "loan" to repay
With obedience to the Dog's lore

So the "men of the cloth" came to clear up the fog
Crying "DAWG!" in strange tones so confusing
To the happy young pups who rolled over on cue
And did other tricks just as amusing

Yet the cheap little trick has no secret profound
Only long-observed patterns of lying
To the desperate dogs who think learning is bad
And so go on with Dog to their dying

It would sadden the heart to see such a dumb thing
If the dumb didn't love themselves so
For electing a man even dumber than them
Who claims Dog don't like learnin' no mo'

See, according to Deputy Dubya's account
Dog and him have these chats in the night
When nobody but Bush and his Dog can relate
What they barked about till morning's light

So to see the curs howl at the moon and the wind
And delight in their Dog-induced sleep
Only closes the case on the ignorant who
Count their own entrails rather than sheep