Boobie Stud Hamsters
(from Fernando Po, U.S.A., America's post-literate retreat to Plato's Cave)

His eyes they crossed; his grin it beamed;
His face looked like his tush
They called him Shrub because he looked
Like such a little Bush
Who knew that in his later years
The War Drug he would push?

They had to call him Dubya, too,
Which English rightly spurns
Because in Texas "Double-U"
Means two illegal turns
Except for studly hamsters who
Strut while their country burns

The rear-guard REMF Republicans
Talked tough while others bled
While swilling beer and snorting lines
They lived in fear and dread
That mommy might turn off the light
And leave them scared in bed

Their hamster hero roamed his ranch
While rats gnawed at the land
He borrowed Chinese money to
Finance his Custer's Stand
And took the low ground in Iraq
While mouthing slogans bland

Just "bring 'em on!" he tried to taunt
While safely out of range
Now thousands of his soldiers die
Which might seem truly strange
Unless one knows how Power Trips
The rodent mind derange

His war had barely started when
He claimed that he had won
He thought that he could start a fight
Then leave after Round One
But then found out the other guy
Had only just begun

He leaped before he looked, of course,
As all stud hamsters do
He might "stand tall" among the mice
But that fact gave no clue
About how small his four legs looked
Next to Bin Laden's two

For Hamster started with few troops
Who only then got drilled
And while their numbers slowly fell
Osama's ranks just filled
With hordes of Muslims pissed ‘cause Bush
Their relatives had killed

For pumping up a bogey man
To frighten little kids
Begins to lose effectiveness
When blackmail hits the skids
Revealing contracts signed without
A record of the bids

"I'll get him if he lives!" Shrub swore
"I'll get him if he dies!
I'll get him any time I like,
Although the time just flies
And still I haven't got him but
I've still got lots of lies"

The vapid varmint vaguely vowed
To stay his clueless course
He kept repeating nonsense till
His vocal cords grew hoarse
Exasperating allies like
The Dutch, the Danes, the Norse

Why did he not stop lying when
The whole world knew the truth
That he had misled everyone
From Dallas to Duluth
And still drank those Martinis made
From vodka and vermouth?

He kept insulting other lands
Where people's brains still worked
And veterans who unlike him
Their duty had not shirked
He sowed suspicion that beneath
His words more crimes still lurked

So Bush had Rove hire hapless hacks
With nothing much to do
And paid them trifling trinkets to
Harrass the dwindling few
Americans who still could read
And think their own thoughts, too

Once Dick had picked himself to serve
As mentor to a whelp
He only had to figure out
Some words for Shrub to yelp
Dick promised: "Hell is on the way"
Some thought that he'd said "help"

Dick's old firm kept on sending checks
Receiving quo for quid
Reminding Dick to not lose sight
Of where the money hid
Thus Haliburton got the jobs
And never had to bid

So now Shrub tries to beg the ref
To please call off the fight
For sucking so much wind means he
Can hardly stand upright
Thus studly Boobie Hamster finds
No exit from his plight