The Misfortune Teller ("Boobie Qualifications for Higher Office")

Boobie Qualifications for Higher Office
(from Fernando Po, U.S.A., America's post-literate retreat to Plato's Cave)

At Yale he studied history
And picked up his degree
Yet somehow he forgot to learn
About some cruelty
Dispensed by the Crusaders on
Their way through Galilee

So when he launched his own crusade
He proudly used that word
Until he found a world aghast
At something so absurd:
Another stupid malaprop
As bad as any heard

And when he got his MBA
From Harvard Bidness School
They taught him how to quantify
The numbers hard and cruel
So "folks pay lots of taxes" is
The way he states the rule

And some have tried to make him speak
In words that others know
It hasn't worked, so now he does
That bubble tell-and-show
Where actors on the payroll pose
As newsmen kept in tow

"If I should fool you once," he says,
"Then shame upon you, sir!
But if I fool you twice," he says,
"Then shame on him and her."
(He never gets those proverbs right;
So thus, the slip and slur)

"As long as blame goes somewhere else
And doesn't stick to me,
I'd blame the planets, sun and moon,
And all the ships at sea.
If that won't work, I'll blame the stars
Within the galaxy"

Republicans like Boobie Bush
“Assume the watch” – we think
They like the perks of office but
When asked to pay they blink
Accountability they shun
Ignoring their red ink

He only counts the stuff he likes
Ignoring what is true
Pretending he’s not president
When his bad bills come due
(Somehow the one who went before
Still manages the crew)

The Boobies never asked for much
Or anything at all
From those who wish to “lead” them, which
Makes “leading” such a ball
More like a bleeding by a leech:
A “doctor” kept on call

So Boobies get what they deserve
For asking not a lot
And letting off the hook the ones
Who’ve sprayed a stinking spot
Upon their name and nation left
Unraveling in rot

Michael Murry, "The Misfortune Teller," Copyright © 2006