The Misfortune Teller ("Boobie Deadbeats")

Boobie Deadbeats
(from Fernando Po, U.S.A., America's post-literate retreat to Plato's Cave)

The latest news looks very good
For man has bitten hound
And Deadbeat Boobie Dubya's learned
A new way to astound
This time he's simply run our country's
Name into the ground

You see, he doesn't think that all
Those treaties we have signed
Should make us keep our word and so
America's resigned
Which -- if he had one -- might lead us
To think he'd lost his mind

But why all this unseemly haste
Our treaties to renounce?
To show that if he had a brain
It wouldn't weigh an ounce?
No, Deadbeat earned his name because
His checks would always bounce

You see this Boobie had no funds
Within his bank account
But still he had some unsigned checks
With no filled-in amount
And so he gave himself some loans
Which he thought wouldn't count

"What difference do the numbers make?"
He asked as he wrote some
"If I just add enough of these,
The Tooth Fairy will come
And make sure that I end up with
A very tidy sum."

"And what about these circle things
With commas in between?
I think I'll use four groups and make
The figure round and clean.
If I take this to Greenspan's Bank
He'll cash it sight unseen."

"And Santa Clause will surely help,"
He thought as he wrote more.
"I bet he'll let me have all of
The toys within the store.
Can't see why not," this Boobie thought,
"He always has before."

"I'll just deploy the troops," George thought
"Since Congress doesn't care,
Then blackmail them for endless funds
And catch them unaware.
They'd never think to draw the line
Since they would not know where."

As Reagan taught us, Cheney said,
Big spending never kills
Just charge the nation's credit card
And take off for the hills
Then deficits don't matter ‘cause
The kids will pay the bills

So Bush bought in and rolled the dice.
He loved this gambler's den.
He never asked to know how much,
Just who and where and when.
"It's all found money!" he rejoiced
"In Washington's pig pen"

He'd beg a meal from Popeye and
Like Wimpy he would say:
"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for
A hamburger today."
Which meant, of course, that he had no
Intention to repay

"When Tuesday comes, I won't be here,"
He snickered as he spent
"I'll eat my burger now and get
Those bankers to relent
Till I can high-tail out of town
And stiff them for the rent."

"I'll bet those foreign lenders shit
When they wake up and find
That I've welshed on our bidness deal
And left them in a bind;
Devaluing the currency
To screw the bastards blind."

"That's what they get for selling us
The stuff that we can't make,
And taking in our dollars which
Are so easy to fake,
While all my many 'have-more' friends
Continue on the take."

"And I don't see why taxpayers
Should give me so much flak.
Why, L. Paul Bremer lost nine of
Those billions in Iraq,
And no one's even asked him when
He plans to give them back."

"So what's the deal with bugging me
Because I cannot say
Where I spend all that money when
I go outside to play?
What does `full faith and credit' mean
When I plan not to pay?"

And so the deadbeat Dubya went
Once more off to attack
His doubleplusgood mantras learned,
In Duckspeak he would quack
He'd say one thing on Monday then
On Tuesday take it back

In con man circles tricks like this
Are called the bait-and-switch
If you know how to work them
They can really make you rich
Or else earn you a bad repute
As one son of a bitch

Michael Murry, "The Misfortune Teller," Copyright © 2005